Throwback...Sunday?

So, I realize that there's no rhyme or reason to this post, but I found these files saved in a Dropbox for an old account I rarely use.  Oldies but goodies...

Finding this today made me laugh out loud, though Izzi (who is only slightly older than Anya was at the time) didn't really understand why.  I will never forget this episode.  We knew Anya and her friends (Kaylee and Hannah) had planned a concert.  This was nothing new.  She and her other friend (Caden) frequently planned and put on magic shows, etc. for us.  But that was for a private audience.  We had seen the advertising that had been created half an hour or so earlier, but we didn't think much of it...until we heard, while sitting inside, applause and the noise of people outside our house.  We went out to see a crowd gathered to listen to the entire repertoire.  They had a paying audience!!!  We wished we'd been out there to film the entire thing.  I wonder who opened for them...😉
 

Teach Your Children Well...

This morning, as I sat in Primary, a substitute pianist for the children's singing, I was deeply touched by the message in their powerful, heartfelt songs. These children, MY children, are the hope that my heavy heart has been longing for. They are the hope for healing through love and faith. And strength through UNITY.

Their voices and spirits joined TOGETHER, any differences aside, to share their testimonies of Christ. I choked (not uncommon these days) but rejoiced—a deep joy filling my heart. I was again impressed that my own children need to know where and how I stand. That if we teach our children well, they will continue strong and brave and GOOD—the hope for mending a hurting and divided world.

The two great commandments are to love God and love our neighbor. These are not mutually exclusive. Faith, love, and unity are the foundation of what I believe. They are at the heart of what the Savior taught and lived. These are not soft or weak—they are the strength we need to combat violence and vitriol (which are never the answer). And because I feel so strongly about that, I also need my girls to know how those beliefs guide me in the choices I make as a citizen.

So, in hopes that my girls (at least) will know…

Where I Stand

I don’t often share political thoughts openly, but lately, politics and morality are exceptionally blurred, and I’ve felt the need to put my convictions into words—not to argue or persuade, but so my daughters will know where I stand. When the world feels divided and voices are loudest in anger, I want my girls to understand what guided my choices and what I believe matters most.

I am a moderately conservative Christian. I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother. My faith as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and as a daughter of God, grounds me, and my love for this country and its divinely inspired founding principles runs deep. I believe that with freedom comes responsibility—the responsibility to think, study, and act according to conscience, not simply to follow the crowd.

Over the past several years, I have wrestled with the character of our leaders. Policies are important, yes, but character, integrity, honesty, and dignity matter just as much—if not more. I cannot bring myself to excuse dishonesty, mockery, or bigotry simply because someone claims to represent my values—lip service cloaking hypocritical self-gain.

For me, a vote is not wasted if it reflects principle. It is wasted only if I use it to excuse or even condone what I believe to be wrong.

I want my daughters to know this: disagreement never justifies cruelty. Standing firm never requires mocking, belittling, or hatred. Christ Himself taught truth with boldness, but always with compassion. When leaders choose disrespect, selfishness, cruelty, and intentional divisiveness, it leaves marks on our society that policies cannot erase. My hope is to model something different—to take a stand with dignity and civility, to fight for what is right without losing kindness.

I believe America’s greatness does not lie in superiority but in responsibility. We are blessed, and that blessing calls us to strengthen what is good and to speak up against what is harmful. Gratitude for freedom means using my voice—not to tear down others, but to bear witness to the values I hold sacred.

So, to my girls: this is why I speak up. This is why I sometimes choose differently than those around me. I want you to see that truth and kindness can walk hand in hand, that courage and compassion are not opposites, and that faith and integrity matter more than winning an argument.

At the end of the day, administrations change, policies shift, but the way we treat people—the example we set—that lasts. My prayer for you, my girls, is that you will grow strong in truth, bold in kindness, and steady in integrity.

May you never mistake loudness for strength, or cruelty for courage. May you always know that standing firm and standing loving are not opposites, but companions. That is where I stand, and where I hope you will stand, too.

The Great and Spacious Building

Ok, so that's not wrong - but maybe great and spacious in a good way.  It's been a long time coming, but it's wonderful to see our new building begin to actually be a reality instead of a blueprint or an architectural project.  It's definitely spacious.  But there's still SO much work that will go into making it truly GREAT.  It's an amazing building and an amazing dream.  But still so much to do and define and grow and be.  Hope I'm up to the challenge...

Central Cove Early Learning Center Press Release

Central Cove Open House

Central Cove ELC First Day of School - EVER

Oh, What a Beautiful Morning!

The summer and school year beginning have been stressful to say the least.  Major understatement, actually.  So showing up to this sight on a Friday morning was precisely what I needed...

 

  

Half a dozen or so of us just stood outside and breathed and smiled and laughed as we watched the balloons descending gracefully.  15 minutes of child-like delight made all the difference!

Fourth Grade Firsts

 Iz is increasingly grown up.  Sure do love my baby as she adventures into 4th grade...

My NINE Year Old Baby...

It seems that May is always so busy that Izzi's birthday sneaks up on me almost unannounced every year.  With Ian's and Anya's we're always busy, too, but the business is getting ready for things (rather than scrambling to end things), which maybe makes a difference...?  Or maybe I'm just in subconscious denial that my baby is getting so big.

Anyway, I've spent some time pondering how very grown up my little one is seeming these days.  I don't know if it's just that it's been a growth year for her or if having Anya gone has hastened her maturation, but it's been astonishing.  I feel like she's markedly older, wiser, more grown up than a year ago (though she's always been pretty adult-civilized growing up in a house of only big people).

She is the sweetest, most tender-hearted little big girl I know - with a stubborn, emotional streak that is borderline teenager built right in.  She wants to do right, she wants to help others, she's kind and patient and polite and does very well with younger children, especially considering she hasn't had a ton of experience.  She's also very thoughtful and generous - if she gets candy or a treat, her first thought is how she can divvy it up to share with her family.  She is exceptionally polite - people at stores, restaurants, etc. often comment and compliment her/us on her respectful, polite interactions.  She's creative and always keeping busy with unique projects and ideas.  She's a good friend and a good helper.  

Happy birthday, Isabella!  May the 4th be with you - always!  I am so glad you're my girl.

     

Glimmers and Rays and Pillars, Oh My!

 This week, as I've been preparing for my Sunday School lesson, I've been thinking a lot about Joseph Smith's First Vision.  

So many things (or thinks, as my fingers keep trying to tell me) stand out about his story and it's example for me:

• age - how did he have the maturity and insight and bravery he did?
• self-awareness - he was so conscious of his worldly "status" ("though I was...obscure...and of no consequence")
• question - again, depth and substance when it would have been easy to trust parents and coast
• integrity - "I knew it and I knew that God knew it." kept him going through unthinkable hardships
• answers - the answer was in keeping with the magnitude of the question and the need - not the asker

It all seems pretty straight-forward as a pattern.  We wonder, we study, we pray, we ask, we receive, we go and do.  And maybe it should stay that simple.  

But then the "ya-buts' in my head kick in:

• Ya, but...I don't have questions that are this important.  
• Ya, but...Maybe that's why I'm not receiving answers.
• Ya, but...Or maybe I don't know what I should ask.  
• Ya, but...Maybe I'm asking the wrong questions.
• Ya, but...Am I receiving answers?  
• Ya, but...Do I know how to recognize them?  
• Ya, but...What if I'm totally missing the mark?
• Ya, but...Maybe I've missed it for so long they're no longer coming.

I worry that I'm worrying too much and I worry that I'm not worrying enough.  I question whether I've known all along or haven't really figured it out yet.  Nothing is jumping out.

Yesterday I had a conversation with Clayton that reminded me to put things in perspective.  We were talking about upcoming decisions and life questions and, in the process were reflecting on past experiences as a couple and a family.  Clayton was feeling like he often is just crossing his fingers that he is making the right decisions - and beats himself up when they're "wrong".  He was feeling somewhat uncertain and even a bit discouraged in the face of the future.  I had been questioning, in my preparation to teach Sunday School, my current ability to recognize God's hand and answers in my life.  However, as we talked, my responses and my thoughts flowed freely - I recounted time after time when I saw the hand of God directing our lives.  Not in spectacular, earth-shattering miracles noteworthy to the world, but in the mundane and critical daily experiences that have shaped us as a family.

• the choices and direction that led us to Pittsburgh (where we had the precise insurance coverage and medical care we needed to start our road with Ian)
• the specific therapists that began Ian's care (and started me on the path for speech-language pathology) - thanks Miss Debbie!
• the apartments and housing we've been able to find that have placed us in amazing wards and schools and have not spread us too think financially while still keeping us comfortable
• ALL the help during the 2 years we built the house, went to grad school (while working only part-time), finished the basement, and had Izzi (through multiple rounds of IVF and PGD - $100,000+ price tag by itself) without taking on any additional debt. I still can't believe we were able to do that - We would face a decision and things would come together just as they needed to.
• Where Clayton saw "wrong" decisions (why did we buy the house in Memphis only to have it suck up all the equity we'd built in Pittsburgh and end in an underwater mortgage and a short-sale three years later?), I recognized a loving Father who had helped us through difficult transitions (...the house that was in the ward where I had the support and love and friendships I needed to continue keeping us emotionally afloat while Clayton was struggling so miserably with his job...the fact that we were able to sell the house, even if a short-sale, in a drowning market and close within 1 month of beginning to pay rent after having. moved to Vernal...the realization that prestige in Clayton's job and size of house did not constitute happiness, which really comes from being together...the contrast between prestigious misery and more humble happiness in career choices that made the pay cut of moving to a regional campus of a state university more appealing than the flashy reputation and higher salary of the elite liberal arts college he was leaving) - a Father who supported us despite the circumstances and outcomes outside of our control.

As we concluded our conversation, he said it was good to talk through these things and be reminded that the balance has been positive.

Throughout my adult life, there have been a collection of talks and messages from General Conference that have been pivotal and defining in my life.  This exchange has reminded me of several of them:

• Top of the list (probably of ALL the lists) is "O Remember, Remember" by Henry B. Eyring in 2007.  This changed my entire outlook on recording the daily tender mercies we experience - building the habit of recognizing them and being grateful.  This becomes relevant in my life SO often.  
  "I heard in my mind—not in my own voice—these words: “I’m not giving you these experiences for yourself. Write them down.”... I was supposed to record for my children to read, someday in the future, how I had seen the hand of God blessing our family....Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions: Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him."
  
  https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2007/10/o-remember-remember?lang=eng
  

• Next may be "Like a Broken Vessel" by Jeffrey R. Holland. I love Elder Holland!  Sometimes things are beyond our ability to fix - perfection is not now.  We are still loved and will one day be reunited with our loved ones in glorious perfection.
  "...try not to be overwhelmed with the size of your task. Don’t assume you can fix everything, but fix what you can. If those are only small victories, be grateful for them and be patient....let us remember that through any illness or difficult challenge, there is still much in life to be hopeful about and grateful for. We are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions!...I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. What a thrilling moment that will be! I do not know whether we will be happier for ourselves that we have witnessed such a miracle or happier for them that they are fully perfect and finally “free at last.”12 Until that hour when Christ’s consummate gift is evident to us all, may we live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show “compassion one of another..."
  
  https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng&id=p16#p16
  
  
• I also truly have appreciated the counsel in "But if Not..." by Dennis E. Simmons.  Sometimes, despite our most sincere pleading, we must accept that the answer is not what we hope.  But if not...we continue to trust and move forward in faith.
  "...we must understand that great challenges make great men. We don’t seek tribulation, but if we respond in faith, the Lord strengthens us. The but if nots can become remarkable blessings."
  https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2004/04/but-if-not?lang=eng&id=p15#p15
  

• Finally, and perhaps most directly in this context is the summarizing idea of ongoing revelation and divine influence we read about in "Pillars and Rays" by Alexander Dushku.  Recently I was speaking with Anya.  She was struggling on her mission - she didn't know if she was really feeling the Spirit?  She had some experiences where the sudden retreat of the Spirit (mostly in the face of interactions with very contentious individuals they encountered) left her realizing she was surrounded daily.  We don't always get (or need) the dramatic pillar of light experience.  We need to be aware of and recognize the warm glow of the consistent accumulation of rays and even glimmers that surround and warm us daily.
  "...I have not seen a pillar of light, but, like you, I have experienced many divine rays. Over the years, I’ve tried to treasure such experiences. I find that as I do, I recognize and remember even more of them."
  https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2024/04/15dushku?lang=eng  
  
  

This is where I landed at the end of my conversation with Anya - and with Clayton.  I need to take my motherly reassurance and apply it to my own personal perspective and growth as well.  It is the accumulation of rays I need to remind myself of.

• The overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude that touched me as we sang the closing hymn in Sacrament Meeting today.  "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing". Usually I am touched by hymns where I know and have studied and connected with the text.  I am familiar with this hymn but none of the lyrics stand out to me.  I don't have any strong connection to them.  However, as we sang today, I was overcome (to the point of tears and trouble singing) with a powerful love I can explain in no other way than that it was clearly a manifestation of my Savior's love for me.
• The "just right words" that come as I prayerfully try to serve and teach my Sunday School class.  And the love I feel (and hope they can feel, too) as we talk together in class.
• The connections I feel with Izzi as we study scriptures together in a more purposeful and intentional way each night.  That this practice, this habit, is helping with our spiritual development but also with our relationship and with other struggles I've been praying over as her mother.

I see His hand in my life.  I am determined to record (for myself and my children) the evidences I witness.  That I can be reminded when the need is great and that they can know for themselves that we are loved - and that I know it.

 

The ABCs of 2025

It seems choosing a word for the year is quite the thing to do.  Though trendy (and you know how in step I am NOT, especially at 47, with current trends), it does seem rather apropos.  However, those who know me also know that I may also not be the most decisive of people (or am I?).  So, in the spirit of improvement regarding both my trendiness and my decisivity (yes, it's a word - I looked it up), I compromised...and picked 3 words!

In contemplating appropriate words, I reflected on areas of personal challenge and growth.  I quickly fell into an ABC pattern (think I spend too much time at preschool?):

I quickly jumped to CELEBRATORY for my C.  I am surrounded by amazing human beings in my personal and professional life and I know I need to be more intentional in thanking them and celebrating their contributions.  C was an easy choice.  But I began vacillating between AUTHENTIC and ACCEPTING for my A.  And B was tricky.  BRAVERY?  BEAUTY?  BELIEF? BOLDNESS?

So, as I characteristically do when mulling things over, I turned to "thinking with my fingers"...

I want the words to represent my hope for growth personally and professionally and to direct my life and interactions accordingly.  I strive to be a strong, compassionate, intentional leader - as a parent and a principal.  I want to be myself - and to be accepting and realistic about my own strengths and struggles.  Growth mindset, right?  I want to be equally accepting of the strengths and challenges of my kids and my employees - while maintaining support in their continued growth and development.  I want to acknowledge where we are and build from there.  I want to appreciate the joy and the beauty in life and in my relationships and in the world.  A focus on the beautiful.  I want to celebrate differences and commonalities.  I want to build unity.  I want to be strong and confident and compassionate - and I want to guide Izzi (and Anya, though she doesn't really need so much of my direct guidance these days) in developing similar attributes.  I want to be classy and dignified and refined and sophisticated and elegant.  I want to be approachable and helpful and supportive and encouraging.  I want to be an example and I want to make a difference.  I want to appreciate the best in those around me.

So BRAVERY, BOLDNESS, BALANCE - all important.  AUTHENTIC or ACCEPTING?  If I want a "wraparound" with these words, authentic is centered on self-discovery, awareness, and acceptance.  Celebratory represents the outward reach of appreciation of others.  The B may need to help me develop the relationship between the inward and outward - perhaps where I need to grow most.  Probably BOLD (confident in leadership, parenting, etc., but not off-putting) or BALANCE (personal, professional, church, family, etc.).  Maybe the balance will come as I trust my authentic self, create boundaries and expectations, and celebrate success and beauty in myself and others.  Maybe the bold assertion of my authenticity and appreciation of others is the linking idea.

So., here's to a well-rounded self in 2025...

• AUTHENTIC - grounded in self-awareness and acceptance, ensuring I stay true to myself
• BOLD - reflecting confidence in leadership and parenting, high and honest  expectations, while remaining approachable and compassionate
• CELEBRATORY - focusing on appreciating others, celebrating joy, differences, and commonalities.

Where will your ABC's take you this year?