Holiday Wishes 2015

This year has been a full and blessed one for our family: trips and graduation and new jobs and running workshops and preparing for upcoming baby.  We hope it's been as wonderful for all our family and friends.  You deserve the best!

Merry Christmas

and the 

Happiest of New Years!

from ALL of us to all of you

Ian Highlights

Clayton spent much of last Christmas break putting together a highlights video of Ian's life with us.  Longer than most people will be interested in, but so much fun for us to watch.  Such a fun, amazing kiddo!  I'm putting it here for easy family access, but feel free to browse.

Baby Love, My Baby Love...

For nearly three and a half years now (over a year before we lost Ian), we have been pursuing a long and emotional journey.  We began working with a fertility clinic in Layton in August of 2012 to attempt a process called Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (or PGD).  Basically, the goal was to have more children without the 1 in 4 risk of Sanfilippo Syndrome.  We didn't know if financially, physically, or emotionally we could successfully raise two children/teenagers (remember: we still had Ian and had no idea how short his time with us would really be) with the syndrome as we got older.  We wondered about the implication for Anya being sandwiched between two siblings with such extensive needs.  We wondered about our ability to adequately meet the needs of all our children if we added another with such significant and extensive special needs.  But we really felt that our family was not complete.  This was a matter of much thought and prayer and despite how crazy it seemed at times, we truly felt it was the right thing to do.

I was to undergo several cycles of in vitro fertilization (IVF) in order to retrieve as many eggs as possible in order to fertilize as many as possible in order for as many as possible to mature enough to test as many as possible for the syndrome in order to transfer as many as possible and hopefully end with another child/more children.  Little did we know that before we had finished I would have applied for, been accepted to, begun, and completed my Master's Degree; lose 3 grandparents and Ian; begin new jobs at 3 different schools; move in with my parents to complete a medical externship for a summer; decide to build a house and see it completed; move from our rental into storage; move from the storage unit into the new house; Clayton would have hernia surgery; Anya would be seeing a psychologist for anxiety (where would she get that?) and attention/distractibility issues; and I would begin a new job as the SLP over all the preschool students in the district.  It's been an intense ride!

At the end of April, 2013, we obtained DNA and genetic information from all our parents, from Clayton and myself, from Ian, and from Anya and sent it to a lab so a probe could be created to test  the embryos for the specific genetic mutation causing the syndrome.  We were told the probe creation could take 6-9 or maybe even 12 weeks, so we began waiting.  Over 9 MONTHS later, they were finally finished and we began the next phases.

In short, over the next year I went through three full cycles of IVF.  They retrieved several eggs from each cycle.  Of those, 3 or 4 from each cycle matured enough to fertilize.  From that point, two from each of the first two cycles developed enough to be tested, but we got nothing from the third cycle.  We ended up with 4 embryos for screening.  Of those 4, we had statistical perfection: 1 was a totally unaffected boy, 1 was a carrier boy, 1 was a carrier girl, and one was a girl carrying not only the Sanfilippo mutation but two other additional genetic mutations which would have made implantation and survival impossible.

Embryo Transfer 1: 2/24/15
boy

Embryo Transfer 2: 5/14/15
boy

Embryo Transfer 3: 8/13/15
girl

We had decided we would transfer and have as many as we could, so we began the portion of the journey which would take over 6 more months.  The first two we tried were the boys: one didn't "take" at all and one began to grow long enough to appear to be an early miscarriage.  By August of this year we had one more chance and on August 13 (my due date for Anya ten years earlier, coincidentally) we transferred the final embryo -- a girl.  For two long weeks we waited...hoped...prayed.  On September 11, 2015, we went back in for an ultrasound that showed us for the first time our baby girl's heart beating strong!

Baby Girl's First Photo:
Heartbeat and yolk sac

The first trimester was LONG (and filled with some minor heart issues and MAJOR heartburn) and we had lost something every other step of the process, so it was hard not to worry that this couldn't possibly be real.  Yet now, at 21 weeks, with my "big" 20 week ultrasound completed this past Tuesday, this wiggly little girl inside me is finally starting to seem real.

Baby Girl with heart beat at 20 weeks, 3 days -- 12/15/2015

Wiggly Baby Girl at 20 weeks, 3 days -- 12/15/2015

The ultrasound technician said (at least 4 times) what a wiggly baby she is and all we could think was, "just like big brother and sister!"  In fact, we think her profile looks a bit like Ian's did in his ultrasound.  We smile to think that maybe big brother has been spending some time training and preparing this new sister for life in our family -- he knows all the tricks but didn't get to use all of them.  We may be in for quite an adventure...

We are so happy and excited, but now the fear really begins to kick in.  I definitely feel every bit of 10 years older than last time we did this.  Can I really do a newborn again?  Terrified or not, I'm really excited and thankful to be able to give it a shot!

The BIG 4-0!

Clayton has always wanted to go on a cruise.  To me, it sounded like being stuck on a ship with a whole bunch of people I didn't know, being expected to socialize and be a FUN person.  Not my thing.  But...since there was a big birthday coming up (and I found a great deal on a package), I decided we should go over fall break.  Turns out I could be as boring as I wanted and nobody would notice or care!  Who knew?!!?  We were able to strike out on our own fun adventures, eat good food whenever we wanted, and even take a heretofore unheard of nap most afternoons.


                                                                       
We got to read, snorkel, play,

               


and just hang out on a private beach one day.

We went parasailing one morning (WAY cool!).  We took a private snorkeling tour one morning (Clayton's favorite).  
And we napped nearly every afternoon.

We had a truly relaxing, enjoyable time together...and I didn't even bring ANY school work!

On the way home, we made a really quick stop at Kennedy Space Center.  Interesting, but too quick.  I wish we'd had more time to spend.  Maybe next time around...

Graduate School Recap

For the last few weeks, my brain has been bouncing between Disney's "Human Again" and "One Day More" from Les Miserables.  

These two years have been the most emotional roller coaster I have ever experienced.  The last few hurdles have been rough.  Clayton and Anya have been extremely patient and supportive through the intense anxiety (and physical illness) of taking my comprehensive exams and studying for (and finally passing) my Praxis exam.  Without them (Clayton is especially amazing), and the support of family, friends, colleagues, professors, and the other graduate students in my cohort, I would not have made it, but...

It's done.  I'm finished!  It's over!

Apparently I was excited enough about being through with the whole ordeal that I thought it would be a great idea to celebrate twice (or maybe I just thought walking twice would make up for Clayton NOT walking when he got his Master's).  At USU in Vernal, I was partly obligated to walk since I had been selected the Outstanding Graduate Student of the Year.  

Dean Boyd Edwards and Associate Dean Derrik Tollefson presenting the Outstanding Graduate Student Award

This meant, unfortunately for everyone, that I had to speak.  UGH!  

Twenty years ago I first walked to Pomp and Circumstance played on my behalf.  Naturally, as most 17 year old confidently do, I had my entire life mapped out:  I would attend college, graduate, get married, and teach until I had children and became a stay-at-home mom -- and of course live happily ever after.  Four years later, things were pretty well on track.  I had completed my Bachelor's Degree in Elementary Education from Utah State University in Logan and was engaged to be married later that summer.  Having survived (rather successfully, I reminded myself) the excitement, changes, and stress of campus life I eagerly anticipated the next phase in my plan.  However, life is unpredictable and I soon found that my plan was to be altered and embellished -- more than once.

Three years later, after moving across the country with my husband for his PhD, we had our first child and I stopped teaching and began staying home.  Though farther from family than I had imagined, things were still on schedule for my happily ever after.  Another 3 years passed and our daughter was born.  As I enjoyed motherhood, I realized my education and resultant few years of teaching experience had equipped me with many skills which I found incredibly useful.  But based on what I had learned of child development, we began to realize that our son had significant delays, eventually discovering that he had a rare and progressive genetic disorder.  His treatment required hours of therapy every week and countless visits to doctors and specialists in addition to school.  This was a major game changer and, while I was still able to be a "stay-at-home mom", we were rarely actually at home.  It was through participation in his speech therapy sessions, however, that I found a new passion and made another big course adjustment: I would become a speech-language pathologist.  Luckily, I was able to earn a second bachelor's degree in Communicative Disorders through Utah State, despite living in Pittsburgh at the time.  The flexibility of this online program allowed me to care for my two small children and attend therapy while completing coursework at night.  Without this option I would have missed the opportunity to develop new skills which enabled me to help my own son and would one day (after my children were grown, I assumed) provide assistance to other children and families in similar situations.

After a few more moves, we eventually ended up in Vernal nearly 4 years ago.  Because of the temporary nature of my husband's positions up to that point, I had been unable to pursue the graduate degree necessary to begin work as a speech-language pathologist.  By the time we knew he had a job with Utah Stat and we'd be moving to Vernal, deadlines for applications had passed.  However, we had realized by now that our son's increasing medical needs required a second income and I once again found myself teaching.  Though not what I had originally envisioned, I enjoyed it and found that my additional education had provided insight and skills which were continuing to benefit the children I taught.

We were making it work and things seemed to be going pretty smoothly.  Still, I knew I needed to complete a master's degree and now that we were settled and could count on at least a few years in one place, we decided the time was right.  USU came to the rescue yet again with a program designed to meet the growing need for therapists in rural school districts throughout the state.  The flexibility and innovation of this program would enable to me to continue helping support our family as well as serving local students by working as a speech therapist in the schools while also allowing me to obtain the skills and training necessary to achieve my goal.

So nearly fourteen years after completion of my first USU degree, I began a third -- again in Logan for the first summer semester of my master's program.  Though a difficult time of separation from my family, fortunately it was only one summer since the majority of my program could be completed from home in the Basin.  But my path was once again altered when two weeks into fall semester our son unexpectedly passed away.  He had been the inspiration for me pursuing this new degree and his loss initially took much of the wind from my sails.  However, I found support and encouragement not only from my family but now from new classmates, colleagues, and professors as well -- all pushing, pulling, lifting, and buoying me through to completion of my goal.  I was reminded again that though the knowledge and skills I had used to help Ian through difficulties with communication, speech, eating, and swallowing had been invaluable to me in caring for him, they were not now wasted -- and that I could share them to benefit other families.

Now having again marched in line to this solemn processional tune, I stand before you today overwhelmed with gratitude that I have been the beneficiary of USU's vision and commitment to extend quality education to all students.  I have received valuable training from USU first as a traditional on-campus student, then through an entirely online program, and finally through combined IVC and face-to-face delivery, which would not have been possible without the flexibility offered through the variety of program models.  My education has blessed my life and that of my family and has also enabled me to contribute to my community wherever we have lived.

Over the years as I've contemplated my initial plan and compared it to the direction my life has taken, I have often thought of Robert Frost's poem, "The Road Not Taken."  My road has diverged many times from its original course, and though I could not see where they would lead, Utah Stat University programs have helped make it possible for me to navigate each necessary fork.  I have taken the road less traveled and the relationships, mentoring, and education that has enriched my life has made all the difference.  I thank USU administration and faculty for their dedication and commitment to their students and look forward to the opportunity of a lifetime of continued learning in whatever happily ever after may follow.

But, the upside was that Clayton got to hood me, which I thought was only fitting since he had carried a huge portion of the weight as I was completing the program.

Isn't the professor on the right just the handsomest you've ever seen?  ;)

And apparently when you live in a rural area, graduation makes the news...repeatedly...

In Logan, I mostly chose to walk because I knew it would be my last chance to celebrate with my cohort -- who had all been so helpful, kind, encouraging, and supportive to one another throughout the program.  No back-biting or competition.  We worked together, studied together, and shared everything about this learning experience.  What a wonderful group of people!  So glad to know them...

The walk...

Most of our cohort

HOORAY!!!

The graduate school marathon is over...until I decide to get my PhD.  (hahaha!!!)

At Ian's Spot

From the first inspiration to embark on this journey when we began speech therapy with Ian, through juggling his care and therapy during my undergraduate years, to leaving him and Anya with Clayton as I began the Master's, to losing him early in that first semester, to sitting through classes just across from the cemetery, the whole endeavor has had Ian at its center.  In the end, I hope that I will have the opportunity and ability to make as much difference to even one family as he (and our experiences through him) have to our family.  We love you, buddy!  Your magic lives on...

 

Growing Up...

Anya is learning and doing so many new things.  We are so grateful for the amount of writing she has been doing in school the last two years.  She has had really great teachers and loves school.  In addition, she's writing just for fun -- ALL THE TIME!  It's fantastic and we're really enjoying reading it...

A review left for a hotel we stayed at

Her future writing ambitions and projects (in other words, she will be the author of these works)

Anya's "Toilet Essay"
They had to write about what they thought was the most important invention of all time.
I think I'm with her on this one!

She has also really started getting serious with piano lessons and has begun violin lessons.  She is doing well and enjoying it.  And I think it's really helping her work through her issues with perfectionism and frustration and competitiveness.  

Learning to Play Chess

She is really growing up!

Proud of My Big Girl

My "baby" will be 10 before I know it.  Today she gave a talk in Primary.  She's done it many times and I've always had her help me figure out what she wants to say.  But today was the first talk she wrote all by herself.  The topic was "Jesus Christ restored His Church through Joseph Smith".  We got the call only yesterday evening, so she only had time for one draft.  Below is word for word what she wrote:

James 1:5 "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upraideth not; and it shall be given him."

This was the scripture Joseph Smith came across when reading his scriptures. This scripture inspired him to pray and ask which church was true.  Early in the morning Joseph went into the woods to pray.  He was tempted by Satan , but he did not stop praying.  In Joseph Smith's History 1:17 it says, "*[The bright light] no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound.  When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air.  One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other -- This is my beloved Son.  Hear him."

That scripture explains when Joseph saw Heavenly Father and Jesus.  Then they tell him that no church is true.  Joseph Smith received a message from Angel Moroni three years later.  He told him where the golden plates were and that every year he should meet him and be taught by Angel Moroni.  After four years of doing so, he received the plates.  Then he translated them into the scriptures we have today.  Then the Church had finally been restored.

Now we are thankful for Joseph Smith because he restored the Church.  I learned to be patient through his story.  I also learned to pray when in need because of this story.  I'm also glad we have guidance but no confusion because the Church was restored.

* She initially had written "it" and I explained about the brackets to make the verse more clear.  This was literally the only help she had from me.

Page 1 of her talk -- She's always had such neat, clear writing.

Fun in the Sun

So, Clayton leads a really rough life.  His latest "obligation" led him to presenting at a conference in (wait for it...)

HAWAII!!! 

(I know -- Poor, poor baby, right?!!?)

As luck would have it, we had already taken our trip to New York and couldn't justify me going with him.  Fortunately though (since I don't know how he would have made it through an entire lonely week -- boo hoo!), he was able to meet up with his best friend, Mark, who has been working for BYU Hawaii.  We haven't seen Mark and Stacey for nearly 9 years and Clayton had a great time catching up and spending time with them and their three beautiful daughters.

Thanks for hosting, Mark and Stacey!  And thank you Naomi, Kalea, and Meizi for taking care of our Daddy while he was away.  He had a wonderful time!

The Newest Vernal Brown

For Anya's entire life, since she could first speak (which any of you who know her can attest was REALLY early), she has begged for a pet.  Finally we were able to accommodate her request.  

She has been doing research for months, carefully selecting breeds with potentially best temperament, activity level, size, age, training, and amount of shedding (unfortunately, though this was my highest priority, we did not truly succeed on this point).  She finally found this little girl at a rescue in Arizona.  So for Spring Break weekend we traveled to the Phoenix area, visited the Grand Canyon, and picked up a dog.

Meet Aggie, our baby Rat Terrier mix (probably part chihuahua).

Anya's self-proclaimed "best Valentine's gift EVER"!

She is about 9 months old and is still very much a puppy.  She is sweet and very active, but a bit less house trained than we were led to believe.  And right now, without a yard, she is a bit too much of a diva to use our grass-less yard, so we have struggled a bit.  Still, Anya loves her and she is a good-natured, pleasant, happy addition to our family.

More adventures to follow, I am sure...

Deck the Halls...(and keep on running)...

Anya is getting so grown up these days.  She is still excited about Christmas (thankfully last year's revelation didn't kill it for her) and insisted on decorated the tree all on her own this year.

She was also old enough to appreciate some Christmas classic favorites for the first time this year. She particularly enjoyed Miracle on 34th Street and It's a Wonderful Life.

And at the end of the season, Clayton and I decided that after more than 15 years of marriage we should probably treat ourselves to a vacation that consisted of more than just one night away at Park City (our current record set for our 10th anniversary).  So, since Clayton had a conference he was presenting at in New York City, I tagged along and we had a great time.

Central Park

We made the obligatory trip through Central Park (I even insisted on a hot dog from a street vendor for lunch)... 

The original "Washington Crossing the Delaware" -- it's HUGE!

and toured The Museum of Natural History (Anya was jealous, even though we assured her we did not meet Rex or Dexter)...

and visited Time Square (though NOT on New Year's Eve -- it was CRAZY trying to fight against the throng of people headed that direction and we decided it would be more enjoyable to see it from a distance and try something else for the evening).

NYPD preparing for the New Year's celebration..
They were stationed like this at EVERY corner beginning at 9:00 in the morning.

Time Square on NOT December 31!
(Should we have invested in one of those selfie sticks?)

We spent New Year's Eve at the top of the Empire State Building instead.

The view was breathtaking -- the air was FREEZING!!!

At the base of Lady Liberty

We visited the Statue of Liberty (in the sleet and rain).  I spent a lot of time thinking about what it must have been like to have traveled in far more miserable conditions than a bit of cold rain and to finally see Lady Liberty welcoming you to the Land of the Free.  I also reminisced about one of my favorite teachers (and I've had some truly exceptional teachers!) -- Mrs. Beebe and how we, as second graders so many years ago, helped raise money to send to restore the Statue of Liberty.  We received a letter and a book about the White House from President Reagan thanking us for our contribution.  I remember watching the Fourth of July Fireworks the year they reopened the statue and feeling proud that I had had a part in something so big.  I know now what a small part that was, but to a little seven year old girl, it made me feel an important, proud part of the world.  Thanks (again) Mrs. Beebe for making a lasting, life-long impression on a little girl in Rupert.

The original torch (removed in 1984 -- about the time I was a second grader --
and replaced during the restoration in 1986) is on display inside the museum.

The World Trade Center Museum and Memorial was truly interesting (probably my favorite).  The timeline walking us through the hours of that historic day was fascinating and made me appreciate the men and women who, without any advanced planning or preparation had to make such critical and catastrophic decisions in split seconds.  It was a solemn but majestic reminder of the hope, unity, and determination that rose from the devastation of the day.

The last remaining pillar that they moved.
It was initially buried so deep that only
a couple of feet were visible above ground.

This stairway was protected by other parts of the building
during the collapse and destruction
and was a pathway to safety for many people.

Ladder 3 was among the first responders.
None of the company survived, though they saved the lives of many others.

Everyone remembers a beautiful, clear blue sky beginning the day.  This collage represents memories of that color -- one for each of the victims.

The memorial fountain stands outside where the original foundations of the Twin Towers stood.  The walls surrounding the fountain are made of plaques engraved with the name of each of the victims.

We had a beautiful candlelight seafood dinner along the river.

And we, of course, made sure to attend a couple of Broadway performances...Les Miserables and Phantom of the Opera (check and check on my bucket list).  Though I couldn't really pick a favorite (they were both so different and remarkable in their own ways), I LOVED the experience.  I'd have to say, however, that the theaters themselves didn't quite compare to the beautiful Heinz Hall in Pittsburgh... (yes, I still miss that place!).

Waiting for Les Miserables to begin

We had a marvelous time and it was nice to spend some quality time together.  A couple days childless is more than enough, though, and we were both thrilled to be with Anya again when we got home (though she'd been having plenty of fun being fought over by grandparents and playing with cousins).