On Monday morning, September 16, 2013 our lives were suddenly and drastically changed. I came home from exercising to find police cars and Clayton waiting for me. As I scrambled out of the car, Clayton took me in his arms and told me that Ian was already gone. He just hadn't woken up. We had had a remarkable weekend together, we had commented on it at the time. He had taken a walk around the block with Clayton on Saturday, we had all watched Star Wars together for the first time -- and he loved it so much we had to turn the volume up to 70 so we could hear over his screeches of delight. We had made fondue for dessert on Sunday and had spent the afternoon watching family home movies. He went to bed happy after a wonderful walk around the house and we think he had a seizure and just didn't wake up. We miss him deeply but are so thankful for what he has been spared. We were going to be having a g-tube placed for feeding in the next couple of months and surgery on his legs was becoming inevitable. He was able to walk (with help) and get outside and live a full life to the last moments. He is free and busy and no longer trapped. And his spirit will always be with us. I am so thankful for the Gospel and for my knowledge of eternal families. It is a devastating blow and our lives will never be the same but we can find comfort through our Savior and an understanding of God's plan for us.
As I walk around the house and see all of his things, it begins to sink in how much of our lives revolved around Ian and his care. But before this could make me truly sad, Clayton pointed out that it should make us feel happy -- that we did everything we could to include Ian in every part of our lives. And it does bring a measure of comfort -- though it also leaves a huge void. I miss looking in his eyes, seeing his smiles, hearing his contagious laugh, and holding his little hands. I miss snuggling him on the couch. And I will continue missing him. And loving him.
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